We got back from the hospital last night - both of us exhausted. Me from the pain - and the whole thing - and Himself from the constant hospital visiting plus having put in a hard morning's conservation work. Hard to know where to start with describing the experience.
Some glimpses. The lady in the opposite bed - Maggie. In her eighties I think and undergoing hip replacement. She was like a little ballerina. An enchanting lady. One of those people who seem to have stayed closer to the original perfect state than most of us do. She had a dazzling smile - I could imagine her as a darling little girl. She was very kind and helpful and whirled round the ward like a tiny tornado picking things up for us with her grabber stick - and constantly being in told off by the physios for going too fast and doing too much.
That is the only glimpse I can manage today. We are now going to tackle the shower. I simply wasn't able to last night, though it was the first thing I did after the last operation.
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
The Invisible Man
I have been re-reading Michael Coren's biography of H.G.Wells: "The Invisible Man The Life and Liberties of H.G.Wells". Most interesting. I don't really have the energy to do it justice here. Wells successfully forecast that WW2 would break out in 1939 - though he got many other things wrong. He was a strong proponent of eugenics (to be fair, many were at that time), and a big proponent of the League of Nations and a one world government. Though I think he was disillusioned by the end. And what a difficult man he must have been to be married to. And what amazing energy he had as a writer!
When he was seventy years old, Literary London gathered together to celebrate, and he made a speech in which after thanking everyone for coming, he said: "Yet all the time I will confess that the mellow brightness of this occasion is not without a shadow. I hate being seventy.... Tonight I am very much in the position of a little boy at a lovely party, who has been given quite a lot of jolly toys and who has spread his play about the floor. Then comes his nurse, "Now Master Bertie," she says, "it's getting late. Time you began to put away your toys." I don't in least want to put away my toys..."
I too don't in the least want to put away my toys. But I am not so far off my own seventieth now.
We were meant to live forever.
Captain Butterfly and his sandwiches left early for conservation purposes, and he travelled back via some lovely picture of gulls near Worthing. I managed to get the dusting done and caught up on the washing and ironing. And had a hot meal ready for Himself the moment he came through the door. Good timing on both our parts. It was baked potato with beans and salad. And the usual yoghurt. And it was sunny so I was able to do my studying on the balcony. We are back in Genesis at the moment - telling us where it all went wrong and why our lives are so short now, but also telling us how Jehovah is putting it right. We are beginning to see the emerging of Israel, with the sons of Jacob. I talked to Jackie and Audrey on the phone, and Dorothy of South Island sent an encouraging email from her latest ski trip. The operation is looming closer and closer... If it all goes horribly wrong I may have to put my toys away a lot sooner than I thought.
When he was seventy years old, Literary London gathered together to celebrate, and he made a speech in which after thanking everyone for coming, he said: "Yet all the time I will confess that the mellow brightness of this occasion is not without a shadow. I hate being seventy.... Tonight I am very much in the position of a little boy at a lovely party, who has been given quite a lot of jolly toys and who has spread his play about the floor. Then comes his nurse, "Now Master Bertie," she says, "it's getting late. Time you began to put away your toys." I don't in least want to put away my toys..."
I too don't in the least want to put away my toys. But I am not so far off my own seventieth now.
We were meant to live forever.
Captain Butterfly and his sandwiches left early for conservation purposes, and he travelled back via some lovely picture of gulls near Worthing. I managed to get the dusting done and caught up on the washing and ironing. And had a hot meal ready for Himself the moment he came through the door. Good timing on both our parts. It was baked potato with beans and salad. And the usual yoghurt. And it was sunny so I was able to do my studying on the balcony. We are back in Genesis at the moment - telling us where it all went wrong and why our lives are so short now, but also telling us how Jehovah is putting it right. We are beginning to see the emerging of Israel, with the sons of Jacob. I talked to Jackie and Audrey on the phone, and Dorothy of South Island sent an encouraging email from her latest ski trip. The operation is looming closer and closer... If it all goes horribly wrong I may have to put my toys away a lot sooner than I thought.
Monday, 24 February 2014
The First Pre-op Dream
But first, here is Stevie Smith again:
This Englishwoman (by Stevie)
This Englishwoman is so refined
She has no bosom and no behind.
A lovely little Stevie sketch accompanies the poem.
Captain B and his sandwiches left early on Sunday to join the treasure hunters, and I listened to the meeting on the phone line. Can't think what I did Saturday, beyond hobble around whinging about the pain in my knees.
I did get all my magazine route calls ready for posting. I have 16 houses - so 32 magazines to go. I didn't send any cards or letters with them this month, but did put some of the new tracts in. David and Christine have taken over my seventeenth call and knock at her door every month. And rarely find her at home, which was my experience.
The meeting, by phone, was so interesting. We started with the first verse of Genesis, and something else I had never noticed before (for all the times I have read it). Genesis 2:15: "And Jehovah God proceeded to take the man and settle him in the garden of E′den to cultivate it and to take care of it."
I hadn't registered the word "settle" before now. The Speaker pointed out that Jehovah didn't just dump Adam down in the Garden of Eden, but "settled" him there. Maybe one day we will find out - though not from Adam himself of course - just what that garden was like. And learn of all the arrangements that Jehovah made. I am guessing they must have told their children about it.
It is a sunny Monday morning. White horses galloping across the Channel. And last night I dreamt that I was in hospital, waiting all day for my op to start. That was realistic at any rate as last time, I was told to get there at 7.30 in the morning - and when I arrived, I was told my operation would not be until 4.30. Those hours of terror, waiting, in a hospital, and feeling so frightened and thirsty are not a small part of the horror of the whole procedure.
Anyway, in my dream, I was served lunch along with everyone else. And it wasn't till later in the dream afternoon that I realised I would not now be able to have my op, as I was supposed to have been starved. I suppose my mind is searching desperately for a way out.
This Englishwoman (by Stevie)
This Englishwoman is so refined
She has no bosom and no behind.
A lovely little Stevie sketch accompanies the poem.
Captain B and his sandwiches left early on Sunday to join the treasure hunters, and I listened to the meeting on the phone line. Can't think what I did Saturday, beyond hobble around whinging about the pain in my knees.
I did get all my magazine route calls ready for posting. I have 16 houses - so 32 magazines to go. I didn't send any cards or letters with them this month, but did put some of the new tracts in. David and Christine have taken over my seventeenth call and knock at her door every month. And rarely find her at home, which was my experience.
The meeting, by phone, was so interesting. We started with the first verse of Genesis, and something else I had never noticed before (for all the times I have read it). Genesis 2:15: "And Jehovah God proceeded to take the man and settle him in the garden of E′den to cultivate it and to take care of it."
I hadn't registered the word "settle" before now. The Speaker pointed out that Jehovah didn't just dump Adam down in the Garden of Eden, but "settled" him there. Maybe one day we will find out - though not from Adam himself of course - just what that garden was like. And learn of all the arrangements that Jehovah made. I am guessing they must have told their children about it.
It is a sunny Monday morning. White horses galloping across the Channel. And last night I dreamt that I was in hospital, waiting all day for my op to start. That was realistic at any rate as last time, I was told to get there at 7.30 in the morning - and when I arrived, I was told my operation would not be until 4.30. Those hours of terror, waiting, in a hospital, and feeling so frightened and thirsty are not a small part of the horror of the whole procedure.
Anyway, in my dream, I was served lunch along with everyone else. And it wasn't till later in the dream afternoon that I realised I would not now be able to have my op, as I was supposed to have been starved. I suppose my mind is searching desperately for a way out.
Friday, 21 February 2014
The Light on the Channel
There was such a lovely light late afternoon - we have had a day of wintery sunshine with the odd afternoon shower - then some ominous clouds. The Channel looks jewel like, with its white horses, its white seagulls, and its colours going and flowing.
The Captain was off beachcombing with butterfly Mark, and I have done my studying - on the balcony - and made a start on my magazine route. All will have to be posted again of course.
Carola sent me some home-made marmalade. And Col took me to the meeting at the Hall last night.
My Stevie Smith obsession continues. As a war poet - of WW2 - she is unique.
I REMEMBER (by Stevie)
It was my bridal night I remember
An old man of seventy-three
I lay with my young bride in my arms
A girl with t.b.
It was wartime, and overhead
The Germans were making a particularly heavy raid on Hampstead.
What rendered the confusion worse, perversely
Our bombers had chosen that moment to set out for Germany.
Harry, do they ever collide?
I do not think it has ever happened,
O my bride, my bride.
The Captain was off beachcombing with butterfly Mark, and I have done my studying - on the balcony - and made a start on my magazine route. All will have to be posted again of course.
Carola sent me some home-made marmalade. And Col took me to the meeting at the Hall last night.
My Stevie Smith obsession continues. As a war poet - of WW2 - she is unique.
I REMEMBER (by Stevie)
It was my bridal night I remember
An old man of seventy-three
I lay with my young bride in my arms
A girl with t.b.
It was wartime, and overhead
The Germans were making a particularly heavy raid on Hampstead.
What rendered the confusion worse, perversely
Our bombers had chosen that moment to set out for Germany.
Harry, do they ever collide?
I do not think it has ever happened,
O my bride, my bride.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
Watching Paint Dry
A good night's sleep - and a vivid dream just before I woke up. That I am now going to write down - so, if you need something a bit more exciting you can go and watch some paint drying. I was back in Expatland - it was both deserty and industrial - with two of my brothers from the congregation, one Chinese, one Arab. We had been for a swim and they were walking me back home (so, yes - swimming, walking - it was definitely a dream). We had to stand outside the Holiday Inn type place where I was living, drinking tea out of paper cups. Men were not allowed in the building. We even had to hide behind some bushes.
The arthritis flare-up has subsided, thank goodness. But it did remind me depressingly of the pain of the operation to come. Col was busy with his conservation work today, and I made a big veggie casserole that used up all the left over veg.
I am having a bit of a Stevie Smith obsession at the moment, as I posted one of her poems to an internet friend in America.
Alfred the Great (by Stevie)
Honour and magnify this man of men
Who keeps a wife and seven children on £2.10
Paid weekly in an envelope
And yet he never has abandoned hope.
Many years ago Captain B and I saw "Stevie" at the Richmond Playhouse. Glenda Jackson played Stevie, and Mona Washbourne played her aunt - "Auntie Lion". I can't remember who played Freddy, but they were all good. It was a spellbinding evening at the theatre - relying so much on the power of Stevie's words.
The arthritis flare-up has subsided, thank goodness. But it did remind me depressingly of the pain of the operation to come. Col was busy with his conservation work today, and I made a big veggie casserole that used up all the left over veg.
I am having a bit of a Stevie Smith obsession at the moment, as I posted one of her poems to an internet friend in America.
Alfred the Great (by Stevie)
Honour and magnify this man of men
Who keeps a wife and seven children on £2.10
Paid weekly in an envelope
And yet he never has abandoned hope.
Many years ago Captain B and I saw "Stevie" at the Richmond Playhouse. Glenda Jackson played Stevie, and Mona Washbourne played her aunt - "Auntie Lion". I can't remember who played Freddy, but they were all good. It was a spellbinding evening at the theatre - relying so much on the power of Stevie's words.
Monday, 17 February 2014
John Milton and Bible Prophecy
As Captain Butterfly was at a Conference (with Butterfly Mark) yesterday, I had to listen in on the phone to the meeting. So glad I was able to, as the Public Talk was exceptional. It included such an interesting point about Milton - he of "Paradise Lost"/"Paradise Regained". Clearly, from the poems, he did know what the Bible says, that it tells how we lost Paradise and how its going to be restored. And that the hope for obedient mankind is "to inherit the earth", not to go to heaven.
Apparently Isaac Newton knew that too. But the fascinating thing is that Milton knew that the truth - which he spoke of as being fragmented - would not be taught clearly again until the time of Jesus' presence.
Which brings me back to the second question that Jesus' disciples asked him, after he told them that the Temple was going to be destroyed, when they asked:
“When will these things be, and what will be the sign of your presence and of the conclusion of the system of things?”—Matthew 24:3.
So not only did they ask when the Temple would be destroyed (which happened in 70 C.E.) they asked how they would know when Jesus' presence began, and when the end of the present system of things on the earth was imminent.
Among the signs Jesus gave was this: (Matthew 24:14) "And this good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations; and then the end will come."
So the end of the system would not come until the good news of the incoming Kingdom of God is preached all over the earth. And that is being done now. Every attempt to stop the preaching work - and there have been many - have failed, because this is the time for it to be done.
John Milton, the poet, must have understood that from his Bible studies. The talk was about how vital and beneficial a study of the Inspired Scriptures is.
A painful day. Severe arthritis attack in unoperated knee - a frightening reminder of the painful operation ahead - and it makes me worry about how I will cope if I have a severe arthritis attack after the op... I wish they were more generous with the pain killers.
Can't think what I have done today - felt exhausted, kept falling asleep, realise it was the build up to this attack. Talked to Audrey who is now back at the meetings so we hope to see each other on Thursday. Bea rang - always nice to hear her voice. And I got a lovely email from my Bavarian sister-in-law. Very good timing on her part, as kind words are good painkillers too.
It hasn't rained much today. STOP THE PRESSES! It Has Not Rained Much Today. Thundery showers forecast for tomorrow though.
Apparently Isaac Newton knew that too. But the fascinating thing is that Milton knew that the truth - which he spoke of as being fragmented - would not be taught clearly again until the time of Jesus' presence.
Which brings me back to the second question that Jesus' disciples asked him, after he told them that the Temple was going to be destroyed, when they asked:
“When will these things be, and what will be the sign of your presence and of the conclusion of the system of things?”—Matthew 24:3.
So not only did they ask when the Temple would be destroyed (which happened in 70 C.E.) they asked how they would know when Jesus' presence began, and when the end of the present system of things on the earth was imminent.
Among the signs Jesus gave was this: (Matthew 24:14) "And this good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations; and then the end will come."
So the end of the system would not come until the good news of the incoming Kingdom of God is preached all over the earth. And that is being done now. Every attempt to stop the preaching work - and there have been many - have failed, because this is the time for it to be done.
John Milton, the poet, must have understood that from his Bible studies. The talk was about how vital and beneficial a study of the Inspired Scriptures is.
A painful day. Severe arthritis attack in unoperated knee - a frightening reminder of the painful operation ahead - and it makes me worry about how I will cope if I have a severe arthritis attack after the op... I wish they were more generous with the pain killers.
Can't think what I have done today - felt exhausted, kept falling asleep, realise it was the build up to this attack. Talked to Audrey who is now back at the meetings so we hope to see each other on Thursday. Bea rang - always nice to hear her voice. And I got a lovely email from my Bavarian sister-in-law. Very good timing on her part, as kind words are good painkillers too.
It hasn't rained much today. STOP THE PRESSES! It Has Not Rained Much Today. Thundery showers forecast for tomorrow though.
Saturday, 15 February 2014
The Sadness that Belongs to the World
This quote is from the first part of Janet Frame's autobiography "To the Is-land".
"I remember a gray day when I stood by the gate and listened to the wind in the telegraph wires. I had my first conscious feeling of an outside sadness, or it seemed to come from outside, from the sound of the wind moaning in the wires. I looked up and down the white dusty road and saw no one. The wind was blowing from place to place past us, and I was there, in between, listening. I felt a burden of sadness and loneliness as if something had happened or begun and I knew about it. I don't think I had yet thought of myself as a person looking out at the world; until then I felt I was the world. In listening to the wind and its sad song, I knew I was listening to a sadness that had no relation to me, which belonged to the world."
I understand that feeling. But what is the sadness that belongs to the world? She asks again a few chapters on, when she says: "The aunts were there...and the uncles with their shy Frame look and the particular set of the lips that said, 'Everything should be perfect. Why isn't it?'"
Everything should be perfect. Why isn't it?
Janet Frame doesn't answer the question. Yet the answer is there - and always has been - in the first chapters of Genesis. But "the world" will do all it can to make sure we don't hear it. Just as it does not want us to know where we are in the stream of time.
We are born desperately lonely, cut off from our Creator, our Source of life. We are dying from the moment we are born. It was not supposed to be like this.
And a rescue is on the way. That is the good news of the gospels - the urgent good news. Which brings me back to 1914 - a marked year in Bible prophecy.
We went to our first virtual book launch yesterday! "Edge of Arcadia" by Ken Reah.
http://www.fantasticbookspublishing.com/2014/01/09/incoming-edge-of-arcadia-and-amuseing-tales-will-be-available-as-a-beautiful-print-book-very-soon/
We are being hit by another violent storm - the wind howled round the flat all evening and was still doing so in the early morning. Jacks came for supper last night. Cooks shepherds pie - very good and enough left for Captain B today. I did carrots and broccoli with cheese sauce to accompany, and we had cheese, biscuits, grapes and ice-cream afterwards. The Captain left early in a brief sunshine window which closed and the gale came back. We keep having sunshine windows in the storm. Strange strange weather.
.
"I remember a gray day when I stood by the gate and listened to the wind in the telegraph wires. I had my first conscious feeling of an outside sadness, or it seemed to come from outside, from the sound of the wind moaning in the wires. I looked up and down the white dusty road and saw no one. The wind was blowing from place to place past us, and I was there, in between, listening. I felt a burden of sadness and loneliness as if something had happened or begun and I knew about it. I don't think I had yet thought of myself as a person looking out at the world; until then I felt I was the world. In listening to the wind and its sad song, I knew I was listening to a sadness that had no relation to me, which belonged to the world."
I understand that feeling. But what is the sadness that belongs to the world? She asks again a few chapters on, when she says: "The aunts were there...and the uncles with their shy Frame look and the particular set of the lips that said, 'Everything should be perfect. Why isn't it?'"
Everything should be perfect. Why isn't it?
Janet Frame doesn't answer the question. Yet the answer is there - and always has been - in the first chapters of Genesis. But "the world" will do all it can to make sure we don't hear it. Just as it does not want us to know where we are in the stream of time.
We are born desperately lonely, cut off from our Creator, our Source of life. We are dying from the moment we are born. It was not supposed to be like this.
And a rescue is on the way. That is the good news of the gospels - the urgent good news. Which brings me back to 1914 - a marked year in Bible prophecy.
We went to our first virtual book launch yesterday! "Edge of Arcadia" by Ken Reah.
http://www.fantasticbookspublishing.com/2014/01/09/incoming-edge-of-arcadia-and-amuseing-tales-will-be-available-as-a-beautiful-print-book-very-soon/
We are being hit by another violent storm - the wind howled round the flat all evening and was still doing so in the early morning. Jacks came for supper last night. Cooks shepherds pie - very good and enough left for Captain B today. I did carrots and broccoli with cheese sauce to accompany, and we had cheese, biscuits, grapes and ice-cream afterwards. The Captain left early in a brief sunshine window which closed and the gale came back. We keep having sunshine windows in the storm. Strange strange weather.
.
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