Sunday 30 April 2023

A Calm Heart

If, as Proverbs 14:30 says, "A calm heart gives life to the body", then the opposite must also be true.  And my heart has certainly not been calm this week - which may be the cause of this sudden blurring in my eyesight. Hopefully that traumatic Casualty visit ruled out any of the obvious serious causes.

The patient is very frail and mainly sleeping, which I guess is what his body needs if it is to do the healing work it has to do.  And it is amazing what the body can do, given a chance.  So its back to Psalm 139:14:

"I praise you because in an awe-inspiring way I am wonderfully made."

When see how our body performs the intricate process of healing say just a tiny cut on our finger, we should be awe-struck at the complexity of it. Some people say, I will believe in a Creator if he shows me a miracle.  Yet isn't he showing us miracles all the time?

And I need to keep that thought closely in mind, as we are promised God will "make all things new". And how much Captain Butterfly and I need brand new bodies!

Remember the miracles of healing Jesus did when he was on the earth?  Wasn't he showing us what he can and will do for us when God's Kingdom is ruling over us?



Friday 28 April 2023

The Butterfly Has Landed

I am so much hoping that I will be able to post this blog this evening, as the Captain is supposed to be out of hospital today.  Hoping, hoping, hoping.

Her has some more medical procedure to come, but, all being well, they should be day surgeries.

I ended up in the same hospital myself yesterday morning - in A & E - something has happened to my eyes - which is scary - and which is why this blog will be short.  Very hard to see well enough to type.

They checked for two obvious problems: stroke, or diabetic flare up eye pressure. And could find nothing. I did the chance to visit Col.

What a week...  I 

now have to visit the local Optician next week to try to find out what the problem is.

This Bible verse has been on my mind:

"God is a refuge from ancient times. His everlasting arms are beneath you."  Deuteronomy 33:27

And we have felt so much love and support from family and friends, and from the congregation family.


Monday 24 April 2023

The Days of Distress



Captain Butterfly was taken away in an Emergency ambulance today, after a very bad 24 hours. I am still waiting to find out where he is. I was not well enough to go with him, In fact he insisted I did not, as I guess he realised that would mean the hospital might end up with 2 patients rather than 1.

On Friday afternoon we went to the Pallant Gallery in Chi to see the Sussex Landscape Exhibition:  https://pallant.org.uk/whats-on/sussex-landscape-chalk-wood-and-water/

It was great - evocations of Sussex down the ages - but also troubling in that I found it so difficult and painful that I found myself wondering if I was experiencing my last trip to the Pallant.  It has been a constant in our retirement. We so often went there with Jacks - who is completely housebound now, just a voice on the phone.  We used to have lunch there after our trip to the current exhibition, when they had the old restaurant.  And when we drove back home, past Woodys, we remembered the times we used to go there with Bruce and Jackie.

Elon Musk's very expensive rocket, on being launched, experienced a "rapid unscheduled disassembly". Or, as we used to say in the olden days, it exploded, it blew up, Thankfully no-one was actually in it when this "disassembly" occurred, and no-one was hurt.

It seems we too are in the process of experiencing a "disassembly", as one after another, bits of us continue to go rusty and fall of.  However, given that we are damaged children of Adam, this cannot be said to be unscheduled. It was programmed into us from birth, as we were, through no fault of our own, born cut off from my Creator, my Source of life.

It is a "rapid disassembly". Well, yes, really it is, as, if you are young, I cannot convey to you how quickly seventy years goes by.  It seems only just yesterday that we were a young married couple.

As Ecclesiastes so rightly tells us when we are young, to remember our Grand Creator.

Remember, then, your Grand Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of distress come and the years arrive when you will say: “I have no pleasure in them.




Friday 21 April 2023

The F.LO Visits

 


Captain Moth-Butterfly took this wonderful sunrise, which happened a few days ago, and which I missed.  After a bad night - lots of pain - I finally fell sleep in the early hours and slept in.  In my old age I am usually up early and can get quite a lot done in the mornings, and then I tail off, doing a lot of dozing on the sofa in front of Tipping Point for which I have a passion.

In that poetic evocation of old age in Ecclesiastes, it says that "one gets up at the sound of a bird". And, yes, I am usually up at the crack of dawn, even though it may take me some time to be showered and dressed.

Whereas when I was young, I can remember sleeping in for hours if I had the chance.  It feels strange now.  Life, for all the difficulties of age, seems so much more wonderful and exciting than it did then.  I am much happier now. Yet I was a  teenager in the 1960s, which was supposed to be a time of exciting new things and opportunities. And for some of course it was.  But I can't say it felt like that at the time.  It often felt bleak and daunting.

Looking back I can see there were opportunities, but I was in no way capable of taking advantage of any of them.  Our poetry Fellow at Uni was Tony Harrison - someone whose poetry I admire to this day.  He was young then of course - and very glamorous in a moody Ted Hughes kind of way.  But I don't think I even dared to go to one of his poetry readings, let alone speak to him.  As for attempting to show him one of my own poems - which back then would have been very callow and unformed anyway, and are hardly up to Poetry Fellowship standards even now when I am (in a very small 3-poem way) a published poet...  very wisely I didn't.

It would really have left the poor guy only two options:

a) being unkind

or

b) being untruthful.

When I read Janet Frame's account of her Uni days, in An Angel at my Table, I related to it so much. 

I am feeling guilty at the moment as I am not getting much done. I feel so tired.  Wednesday I zoomed with a young sibling. And basically I carried on feeling very very tired.  And on Thursday, I took the current finds from the Detectorists up to the FLO (Finds Liaison Officer to us civilians), as it was her day to visit the Museum and log and record the Club's current finds.

As I have no car, I had to order a taxi to take me there. And then I walked back. Its only a 15 minute walk, but even doing that has left me in pain and even more tired. My poor old back. And I cannot have a replacement spine... only Jehovah can give me that, as I hope he will, when the time comes to make all things new.

The mission was accomplished and I did manage to get the washing done and dusted before my sofa collapse.  But I could feel my back during the night. It seems as if even such a small walk may soon be off-limits.

And I found this on-line yesterday, a reminder that Covid is still with us, and still something of an unknown factor:

The new Covid variant concerning experts worldwide has claimed its first victim, health officials have announced.

The first death from the Arcturus strain, thought to be around 1.2 times more infectious than the last major sub-variant, was recorded in Thailand on Thursday, amid a surge in cases across the globe.

He told Thailand’s PBS news station that the man who died was “an elderly foreigner” with underlying health conditions.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/dead-arcturus-covid-variant-thailand-b2323608.html

An elderly foreigner with underlying health conditions. Substitute "person" for "foreigner" and there you have me.  

Tuesday 18 April 2023

The Moths Return



The moths are returning to our balcony. Here is a beautiful Brimstone found on the wall on Monday morning - a treasure, a jewel.  A marvelous creation.

I  am still down one hearing aid, and the car is in the garage, hopefully being properly fixed this time.

If the Hearing Aid Garage is able to fix the aid, I shall be able to drive it again too,  or rather, it will be able to drive my ears, but sadly no garage can fix me.  Only my Creator can, and I hope when the time comes He will.

Here are a couple of poems about moths that I had forgotten about, so thank you balcony Brimstone and  Captain Moth-Butterfly for reminding me of them.  The poems are inspired by moths and about moths, but also, of course, about so much more, as these are poets, not versifiers.

 The Moth  by Walter de la Mare

    Isled in the midnight air,
    Musked with the dark's faint bloom,
    Out into glooming and secret haunts
    The flame cries, 'Come!'

    Lovely in dye and fan,
    A-tremble in shimmering grace,
    A moth from her winter swoon
    Uplifts her face:

    Stares from her glamorous eyes;
    Wafts her on plumes like mist;
    In ecstasy swirls and sways
    To her strange tryst.

https://allpoetry.com/The-Moth


The Moth Signal (On Egdon Heath) by Thomas Hardy

'What are you still, still thinking,
He asked in vague surmise,
'That you stare at the wick unblinking
With those great lost luminous eyes?'

'O, I see a poor moth burning
In the candle-flame,' said she,
'Its wings and legs are turning
To a cinder rapidly.'

'Moths fly in from the heather,'
He said, 'now the days decline.'
'I know,' said she. 'The weather,
I hope, will at last be fine.

'I think,' she added lightly,
'I'll look out at the door.
The ring the moon wears nightly,
May be visible now no more.

She rose, and, little heeding,
Her husband then went on
With his attentive reading
In the annals of ages gone.

Outside the house a figure
Came from the tumulus near,
And speedily waxed bigger,
And clasped and called her Dear.

'I saw the pale-winged token
You sent through the crack,' sighed she.
'That moth is burnt and broken
With which you lured out me.

'And were I as the moth is
It might be better far
For one whose marriage troth is
Shattered as potsherds are!'

Then grinned the Ancient Briton
From the tumulus treed with pine:
'So, hearts are thwartly smitten
In these days as in mine!'

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-moth-signal-on-egdon-heath/

The lovely Brimstone was not on our balcony this morning, which is a sunny one. I hope it was not eaten by a passing bird, but is out there having a wonderful and fulfilling life.

Saturday 15 April 2023

Putting Away my Toys



We spent yesterday afternoon at the Audiologist - at Boots.  One hearing aid has been sent to the Audio Garage and will be away for about a week.  And the tests showed that one ear has deteriorated, the other has held steady.

I wonder how long I will even be able to get to these constant and interminable health appointments. The more you need them, the less able you are to cope with them.

But then if you accept the truth of Genesis, this was never meant to happen to us. Which is why it is so difficult to deal with.

We had a quick trip to Marks and Sparks on the way back and got ourselves a chill cabinet curry for supper, to keep things easy.  Col had rice. I didn't.  It was very nice.

As age bites down on me I find myself thinking of H.G.Well's words, which I am sure I have quoted in this blog before.

When he was seventy years old, Literary London gathered together to celebrate his birthday, and he made a speech in which after thanking everyone for coming, he said:  "Yet all the time I will confess that the mellow brightness of this occasion is not without a shadow. I hate being seventy.... Tonight I am very much in the position of a little boy at a lovely party, who has been given quite a lot of jolly toys and who has spread his play about the floor.  Then comes his nurse, "Now Master Bertie," she says, "it's getting late. Time you began to put away your toys."  I don't in least want to put away my toys."

This is from the biography by Michael Coren.

The time for me to put away my toys is fast approaching. I am now nearer eighty than seventy, and I am not from a long-lived family.  Only one of my grandparents made it past eighty - and then only just.

Do I want to leave Captain Butterfly and this lovely fascinating earth?  No, I do not.  I want us to "inherit the earth" and live on it forever.  But maybe I will have to come the long way round, IF I am to be there.

I made it across the Roundabout of Terror this morning - and back - but just as I was over it, and to my horror, the car began to die on me. It seemed to lose power and kept stalling. There was nowhere I could safely stop, so I prayed and prayed and managed to get it safely home.

So it has to got back to the garage on Monday...





Wednesday 12 April 2023

Thank you for Calling my Blog...



Thank you for calling my blog. A blogpost will be with you soon (as soon as I have finished writing it).  We hope to be with you in 3 working days.  

If you want a Haiku please go to: https://sueknight2000.blogspot.com/2021/02/ponds.html

And if you want a photo of a Moth please go to:  https://sueknight2000.blogspot.com/search?q=moth

And while you are waiting I will sing a selection of songs tunelessly at you.   Er.. sorry... got a bit caught up there in the business of calling the garage re car breakdown, and Boots re hearing aid breakdown.

Both appliances failed just in time for the Bank Holiday. But how did they know it was a Bank Holiday?!  Their timing was impeccable.  I am hoping that by the time I post this blog, both car and hearing aid will have been fixed - and it will have turned out that the missing piece is not lodged in my ear!

I am very much hoping that.

As I began this blog, on Tuesday, the process was underway in that Captain B drove my car to a local garage, with the AA in close attendance in case the car fails en route.  

The tenuous link for the photo above is that I am hoping to get out on the balcony soon to do my studying for the day, and get a measure of sun.  Although the fierce storm we had yesterday will have soaked our balcony chairs again, so I doubt I will be out there today.  And also, we have the scaffolders back, so there was a lot of chatter from the balcony yesterday. They are here to fix a leak in the flat above and complete the pointing. Or rather, they are fixing the scaffolding for the builders who are going to come to do all this. When they will actually turn up is a mystery.

The car is back from hospital.  We collected it yesterday. And I have an appointment with the Audiologist on Friday, where, hopefully, my hearing aid problem will be tackled, if not resolved.

And in her Treasures Series, which we are enjoying so much, Bettany Hughes did tackle some of the horrors the people of Albania went through under Communism. And it is pretty much unbearable.  They had their own Stalin, and what they went through at his hands... What is it about these mad "isms"?  

And why is it we learn nothing from our past?  Bettany showed us the blatant luxury in which the Party elite lived, contrasted with the desperate poverty of the people they lived off.  And we too are seeing how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, so that some people have more than they could spend in a hundred lifetimes, while others never have quite enough for the basic necessities.

As the Hebrew Scriptures warn us, It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.  Shouldn't that truth be evident by now?  What is there left to try that has not already failed?

How much we need the perfect. loving rule of the Kingdom of God, the heavenly government that knows and cares for every one of its subjects.

Already it is teaching millions of us - from every tribe and nation and tongue - to live in peace as the brothers and sisters we truly are.

And it will put an end to the time during which Man has dominated man to his harm.

Sunday 9 April 2023

Albania the Beautiful

We have been watching the series "Treasures of the World" with Bettany Hughes.  I highly recommend it. Fascinating.  She is taking us to places I have never heard of, let alone seen.  And yesterday we watched the one on Albania.

And it is such a beautiful country.  It is so lovely. And, according to Bettany, filled with the friendliest of people.  If we had only been there, I would have started this blog with a Captain B photo of it.  But we haven't.

If my travelling days were not over, I would love to go.

It has a tragic history - but isn't that true of everywhere, given we, the children of Adam, have been living in a tragedy since the loss of Eden?  We are living in the times during which "man has dominated man to his harm".  And the history of Albania speaks of that as much as anywhere else does.

But in its heartbreaking beauty, it also tells us as clearly as if it spoke of its Grand Creator, whose purpose was, and is, that the whole earth will become a paradise of love, peace and beauty.

My only problem with the series so far is that it often tells us that the civilisations it is unearthing - or that are being unearthed - are older than 6,000 years.

Please trust the Bible here.  Because while "the world and its wisdom" is telling us that we evolved, and are evolving, and that we humans have been on the earth for hundreds of thousands of years, Genesis tells us that the first man Adam, was created in 4026 B.C.E.  And he probably first opened his eyes in an Autumn garden, as apparently the earliest calendars start in the Fall.

It tells us that he was a perfect man, perfectly reflecting the qualities of our Grand Creator.  And it also tells us that, far from evolving, we are in a continuing fall from a perfect state.

For centuries Hebrew scribes faithfully transcribed the generations down the ages - the Biblical record of their endeavours being preserved for us to this day.  Jesus has a complete genealogy, going back to Adam.

The Christian Greek Scriptures, or New Testament, explain that he came to the earth because of what Adam did.

1 Corinthians 15:22 tells us that "Just as in Adam all are dying, so also in the Christ all will be made alive."

And Jesus himself tells us that he came to give his life a ransom - a perfect human life for the one that Adam so tragically threw away. - Matthew 20:28

The earth of course is very old - according to Genesis, and scientists would now agree.  But man did not appear on it until 6,000 years ago.   

The world, or much of it, will be celebrating Easter today.  It is a Bank Holiday of course, and reasonably sunny. The beach carpark is full. So I guess the beach is pretty full too.

Captain Butterfly is doing his usual metal detecting weekend, so I hope he does not get caught up in all the queues.  Bank Holiday, especially sunny ones, seem the perfect time to stay at home. 

I never thought about the meaning of the word Easter until I began to study the Bible.  And I would ask this. Is it something Christians should be celebrating?

The Catholic Encyclopedia tells us: “A great many pagan customs, celebrating the return of spring, gravitated to Easter. The egg is the emblem of the germinating life of early spring. . . . The rabbit is a pagan symbol and has always been an emblem of fertility.”—(1913), Vol. V, p. 227.

In the book The Two Babylons, by Alexander Hislop, we read: “What means the term Easter itself? It is not a Christian name. It bears its Chaldean origin on its very forehead. Easter is nothing else than Astarte, one of the titles of Beltis, the queen of heaven, whose name, . . . as found by Layard on the Assyrian monuments, is Ishtar. . . . Such is the history of Easter. The popular observances that still attend the period of its celebration amply confirm the testimony of history as to its Babylonian character. The hot cross buns of Good Friday, and the dyed eggs of Pasch or Easter Sunday, figured in the Chaldean rites just as they do now.”—(New York, 1943), pp. 103, 107, 108; compare Jeremiah 7:18


Friday 7 April 2023

(Not so) Great Expectations





I notice that the current BBC adaptation of Great Expectations has been reviewed online.  Usually I would have been looking forward to a new Dickens series from the BBC with - well - great expectations - but given the way the Beeb - most of the media, to be fair - can be now, I have decided to avoid this.  For a start I read that they had inserted a gratuitous sex scene between Mrs. Joe and Uncle Pumblechook - which somehow makes me think of dirty-minded schoolkids sniggering away behind the bike shed.

Yet they have done such wonderful Dickens series in the past.

Anyway, the reviews make me feel I made the right decision.  It says, in part:

What wrecks it beyond salvage is Knight's inability to create conflict between characters without resorting to sex, drugs or violence.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-11931555/CHRISTOPHER-STEVENS-dreadful-Dickens-adaptation-gets-ridiculous-week.html

If I do want to be entertained by sex, drugs, vile language and in your face violence, I can watch pretty much anything on the media these days, I don't need to watch Dickens being dragged into it.

And I don't need any more hectoring lectures about what my politics ought to be either.  

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/felt-like-the-product-of-a-night-in-the-pub-bbc1s-great-expectations-reviewed/

Shame though, as it is such a great story. And a sad one too.  Apparently Dickens was persuaded by his publisher to put a last line in - spoiler alert - that suggested Pip and Estella would finally be together. But that was not his intention, They would not and could not, both being too damaged by their childhoods.

Dickens is so good at writing about the pain of childhood.

Here is an odd thing about BBC adaptations. They did an excellent Martin Chuzzlewit back in 1994 - with Paul Schofield, Keith Allen and Julia Sawalha, among others.

Back then they could manage a script without adding the now routine vile language and gratuitous sex scenes - or having to have the hero take his shirt off for us to be able to understand that there was an attraction between him and the heroine.  But they could have put in a scene that really would have shocked us, one that was completely warranted by the book, but they did not.

Because, without giving us any onstage violence, Dickens makes it very clear that Mercy is a battered and abused wife.  There is a scene, in a graveyard, I think, when old Martin speaks to her to warn her not to marry her cousin Jonas.  He says plainly and clearly that if she marries him she will have no recourse against him, no-one will be able to help her.

She, full of her new found success as the belle of the ball at the unfortunately named Mrs.Todgers' boarding house, and happy with her triumph over her older and plainer sister (the one to whom Jonas ought to have proposed marriage), ignores him and goes ahead and marries Jonas.

There is a sad moment later in the book, when she and the older Martin remember this scene, both regretting they had not tried harder, he to persuade her not to marry her cousin, she to be persuaded.

Anyway, when her sister and fiance (the hapless Mr. Moddle, who had been one of Mercy's many admirers), see her after her marriage, when she is taking temporary refuge from her abusive husband at the boarding house,  they find her "terribly changed". 

There is also a scene - offstage, as the classical unities demand (and rightly so in my opinion) - in which Jonas is heard to be beating her.  So it is clear that the "terribly changed" Mercy would be battered and bruised, probably with some missing teeth, and very likely looking 10 years older. 

But when we see the "terribly changed" Mercy in the BBC version, we simply see Julia Sawalha, as pretty as ever, looking a bit sad, and with her hair not quite as perfectly groomed as it was before. 

That was a chance to stop us in our tracks, in a way perfectly in harmony with the book. But it was not done, even though, sadly, Mercy's tragedy is as relevant today as it was back then.

The enmity between men and women, starting from that moment in Eden when Adam blamed Eve, has not gone away. Far from it.  If anything, it seems to be getting worse.

And by the way, I do wish to point out that the Bible blames them both - and both suffered the same penalty. They died, they stopped existing, and returned to the dust of the ground from which they had been created, as their Creator had warned them they would.

And in fact, if anything, Adam is blamed more than Eve.  The Christian Greek Scriptures explain why.  And I, a damaged daughter of disobedient Adam, need to cling on tight to the truth to cope with the pain, difficulties and indignities of old age.



Monday 3 April 2023

Like a Lion




March did go out like a lion. The sea was roaring away on Friday, it was raining, and a big storm - Storm Mathis - had caused havoc in Cornwall. I guess these are Mathis seas we are seeing outside our window as I type this (on Friday).

As long as they stay outside...

The picture above (our calendar picture for April) is of the Thomas Heatherwick East Beach Cafe - affectionately known locally as The Rusty Hulk.  It does look like an immense wreck that has washed up, and I think it also looks like a giant croc basking on the beach - a long way from home.  

Either way it's fun, and nicer than a white box.  And you can have a meal there, watching the waves come and go. The sound of eternity.

When I think of being in the paradise earth, as I hope we will all be, I often think of myself on a beach or a cliff at sunset, watching and hearing the waves.  The "eternal note of sadness" that Matthew Arnold so beautifully described in Dover Beach will not be there then. Sometimes I almost feel I can catch the sound and the feeling that the waves will have then. One day... and only because of the ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ, that gift of undeserved kindness that Jehovah has given us.

And it is the Memorial of Jesus' death tomorrow - at a Kingdom Hall near you, after sunset.  It is through the ransom sacrifice of Jesus' perfect human life that we can have back the life and perfection our first  parents' lost.  We can have the prospect they had, and also lost, of living forever on this lovely planet.

It is the most important event in the Christian calendar.  And it's also the only day that I have Captain Butterfly beside me at the Kingdom Hall, and can hold his hand during the prayers.

We are having a rainy start to the month.  It is Saturday as I continue this blog and the rain is pouring down. I have to brave it out to deliver the 4 invites I failed to deliver yesterday, due to the contretemps with the lift.  I did, but I could barely do anything else.  I had an invitation to go out to lunch, but had to cancel.

My dilemma on Sunday is whether to go to the Hall for the meeting, with the Special Talk, or to Zoom to it. I have invited people to attend from both angles, and think that the Zoomers are more likely to attend.  It is now close to the time i must leave for the meeting and I still do not know what to do. I have got myself all ready.

I would feel so awful if they did finally turn up at the Hall, and I was not there...  I did go. My invitees were not there, but I am glad I went in person. It was a lovely special talk and a powerful Watchtower.

And of the six people I invited, two did turn up, on Zoom. Which is great.

The Speaker really stressed the importance of prayer, of continually relying on Jehovah.  And that is something I need to keep constantly in mind.  If Jesus himself relied completely on his Creator, how much more so do I, a damaged child of Adam, need to?

If we rely on ourselves, aren't we are lost in the terrible currents of "the world" - the current system of things on the earth - and our own imperfect natures?