Wives and Daughters

I have just re-read Mrs Gaskell's Wives and Daughters - and really enjoyed it.  But it is such a long time since I read it that I had forgotten she died before she could finish it!  And while it is clear who the heroine is going to marry, we are left not knowing how Mrs.G would have arranged it.

Frustrating. But maybe, one day, in the restored earthly paradise, IF the author and I are both there, I can ask her how it would have turned out.

I had also forgotten that Angus Easson wrote the intro to this edition.  He was one of my lecturers in my Uni years - way way back when.  A nice guy - and he had a long academic career I believe.

Anyway, the difference between the world Mrs.Gaskell wrote about and the world that is being written about nowadays is startling.  

Thursday morning, I managed to get myself up and dressed, Col having left very early for The Field, heard and let in the man delivering Col's latest parcels (another achievement, given the situation with my ears), unpacked the Abel & Cole delivery, made the usual apple crumble, and a big veggie/lentil/curry/casserole thing, and did my study for the Thursday night meeting.  We - the congregations worldwide - are considering Isaiah chapter 40 this week - which contains some beautiful poetry - and which also tells us that the world is a sphere, a globe, a round earth (verse 22). That is something we are now privileged to see for ourselves in those photographs from space, where the round earth floats like a blue and white jewel in the stupendous universe.

But I have chosen these particular words from Isaiah 40 for this blog. And they have inspired the choice of Col's photo above, of a grass called Yorkshire Fog.

Listen! Someone is saying: “Call out!”

Another asks: “What should I call out?”

“All flesh is green grass.

All their loyal love is like the blossom of the field.

  The green grass dries up,

The blossom withers,

Because the breath of Jehovah blows upon it.

Surely the people are but green grass.

  The green grass dries up,

The blossom withers,

But the word of our God endures forever.”

- Isaiah 40:6-8

Our lives are so short, as things are now, but Jehovah's word will endure forever.  

Talked to Bea on Friday - and as usual these days there was much to be said about our various medical issues.  We are both in the mature grass stage now... very mature...

We also visited Jacks in her lovely care home. She seemed happy to see us and we had quite a good chat about old times and old friends. We took her some chocs in as well, which she appreciated (as did we).

And then there was yet another appointment with the audiologist. Followed by a drama when the car - my little red KAA - just stopped. Col stalled it and it would not re-start.  We had to stop it, lights flashing, bonnet up, and the traffic had to steer round it, until a man from Cuff Miller (our garage), appeared like an angel of mercy and jump started us. It turns out we need a new battery. Which does make sense in a way as I am driving so little nowadays, though we do use my car now and again.

While we were waiting there, me probably looking somewhat in pain, holding on to a bike stand thingummy - Col not wanting me sitting in the car in case someone rear-ended us - a very kind lady walking a dog offered to give me a lift home if necessary.  I thanked her for her kindness, but at that point the Cuff Miller Superhero arrived and got us going again.

The car is having a new battery fitted on Monday... and one day I hope that both me and Captain B will have our new batteries fitted so to speak, as per the promises in Jehovah's everlasting word, and be able to enjoy life forever on the lovely globe of the earth.

I hope we all will.

The Young Mrs Captain Butterfly

Sweet-and-Twenty  

by William Shakespeare

 O MISTRESS mine, where are you roaming? 
O, stay and hear! your true love 's coming, 
 That can sing both high and low: 
Trip no further, pretty sweeting; 
Journeys end in lovers meeting, 
 Every wise man's son doth know. 

What is love? 'tis not hereafter; 
Present mirth hath present laughter; 
 What 's to come is still unsure: 
In delay there lies no plenty; 
Then come kiss me, sweet-and-twenty! 
 Youth 's a stuff will not endure.

https://www.poetrysoup.com/famous/poems/short/youth#google_vignette

Col has been going through some old photographs - see above, from one of our early holidays at the Merritt's caravan on the Cornwall/Devon border.  It makes me feel rather melancholy, but given my last blog was about old age, I thought maybe this one could be about youth.  And once again, I will let Shakespeare speak.

More medical stuff on Wednesday.  Blood test for Col - audiologist for me.  Following on that, I have another Audio appointment on Friday - and of course the appointment to have the crown fitted on my treated tooth is looming up.

Talking of crowns, is our royal family, which has survived so much, going to survive the Epstein scandals  - the depth of corruption that is being revealed?  Time will tell.

Col brought me a new tap for my bathroom. The tap that came with my new bathroom doesn't seem to lend itself to something so simple as a new washer. And so it goes. If the present system of things on the earth lasts long enough, will one dripping tap require a whole new bathroom?

As these blogs have been a bit of a meditation on youth and old age, I can say this for sure.  If someone said to me that they had a pill that could make me twenty years old again.  Would I take it?  No, No, and No again.  Not unless I could go back then knowing exactly what I know now.

What I am hoping for is to live forever in the restored earthly paradise - in perfect health. And when I think of all I have learnt in the nearly 40 years I have been taught by the Jehovah's Witness congregation I wonder what it will be like to have been learning such wonderful things for 400 years - 4,000 years - etc?

The Ashes of Youth

Sonnet 73

William Shakespeare

That time of year thou mayst in me behold,
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang;
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self that seals up all in rest;
In me thou seest the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consum'd with that which it was nourish'd by;
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well, which thou must leave ere long.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnet_73


What a short time we have to spend with the people we love.  The sunset picture was taken on an island, during our travelling years, so a long time ago.  My own sunset years are nothing like as beautiful and dramatic, but more of a slow undignified slide, on a slope that is getting steeper and steeper.

But then the sun was made to rise and set - and we see perfection in every sunrise and sunset - and, such is the variety of Jehovah's creation, we never see the same one twice.  In contrast, we were made to live forever - but damaged and dying as we are now, we do not. And it is not pretty.  It's painful.  And not at all like the beautiful Maldivian sunset above.

Had a short Zoom visit to my new field service group on Saturday morning.  I am finding chatting in Zoom harder and harder now - unless it's one to one, which I can still just about do.   Col was out all day a'detecting in the rain, but was at home on Sunday, so I made a big effort and got to the Hall - by chauffeur. Mornings are so difficult now - and I have always been a morning person too!

I have noticed an interesting thing, that when I can get to the meetings my blood pressure is much lower.  (I am taking some measurements for my GP at the moment.)

And the root canal scheduled for Monday should put the bp up to machine-shattering proportions.  At any rate, it seems to have been done successfully - and I now have another long appointment to go through to get the post and crown fitted. I am hoping though there will not be as much drilling.

Hopefully he has done a very good job in that I have taken basic paracetamol doses - two yesterday and will take a couple more this morning, and no pain at all from the area of the tooth. The only problem is that everything else is sore, as spending all that time clenched up in the dentist's chair has not done the rest of my decrepit body any good.

However, I don't suppose his drilling away all my nerves while I was up  there would have been at all a good idea.

I am whinging away here, yet the world news is almost unspeakable in its horror.  The level of Epstein corruption seems to be spreading - with a headlines I cannot bear to read beyond...   

Surely the failure of human government must be evident by now?  So can that lead more and more of us, the damaged children of Adam, to come to find and serve the perfect government, the Kingdom of God.

Because the gift of life is so precious, so wonderful, so interesting - the planet earth is so lovely - and the universe in which we float is immense and beautiful beyond our comprehension.  Why would we ever want to leave it?

Storm Dentist?

There was a storm raging on Wednesday - rain, cold wind, stormy seas.  If it does not already have a name but needs one, can it be Storm Dentist, given that the cap that was re-glued to my tooth a couple of weeks ago fell off, requiring yet another visit to the Dentist?  Then I had to spend Wednesday morning on the phone as I arranged for a root canal job with a specialist in one of our local towns, and a follow up appointment with my own dentist for the fitting of the crown.

So two horrible dental sessions loom up.  I would really just have left it.  It doesn't show and isn't bothering me much.  But of course you never know if the gap will weaken the teeth around it, none of which are a high level of biting fitness anyway. 

The rest of Wednesday morning was taken up with visiting the Flower lady, who rang me on Tuesday to ask if we could restart the Bible study she had stopped last year.  She said she missed us a lot.  So we went, just for a coffee, and will re-start the study in a fortnight's time. But I was trying to convey to her gently that she must help us. We can't do all the work. She has to make the truth her own.  Anyway we restart Wednesday week, and need to pray about this.

Thursday morning seemed to have calmed Storm Dentist down.  And Col left early to join the Detectorists in their faraway Field.

I spent more time on the phone trying to fix up an appointment re my new hearing aids, which I am not coping with at all...  Was not helped by all the systems at the Audiologists having gone down for some hours.

My health is not improving.  Whatever is happening to my spine seems to be affecting my insides and making life very difficult. But I am on the verge of Too Much Information here, so I think I will finish and post.

I am just about to go through The Watchtower study for tomorrow, which is: Imitate Jehovah's Humility.   So I know I am in for a very upbuilding session - which I need - which we all need.  The article is on-line. JW.org - go to library, then go to meetings, if you would like to read it.

Anti-depressants

Here are the tulips gifted to me by my lovely sister.  And they truly are anti-depressants.  Each flower is a miracle of beauty and engineering, reminding us of their Creator, of his love and his care for us, of how lovely he made his earthly creation.

It is an assurance that can sustain all us damaged children of Adam.

Oh and Col put them in a vase made by my good friend who was a great potter in her day. We have many of her pieces round the house.  Sadly she died shortly after retirement.  But I do hope that one day I will see her again. I would love to have shared my books with her.  I did once send her one of my short stories and she said she loved it.  It made her laugh.

I watched the February Broadcast at the weekend. It was a long one, so I split it into two.  So I thought I would just put a few thoughts from it into my blog in the hopes that they will stay with me.  I am finding it hard to retain things now - my two remaining brain cells often seem to be at full stretch trying to remember my own name... which is... embarrassed pause... sound effect as of two brain cells whirling round a vast empty space, colliding, and producing a thought... look at the heading of this blog... Sue!  Hurray!

Anyway, here is what I hope to retain from the February broadcast:

Deepen my desire to please Jehovah - Hebrews 10:7   In trying to please Jehovah, to obey him, I am not only benefiting myself, but also those around me - first and foremost being Captain Butterfly, who I love very much.  Jehovah is the Source of love and wisdom, so all his laws are for our good.

Devote myself to a study of God's word - Joshua 1:8  Get back to personal Bible reading which has been neglected over the last few days. I am in 1 Samuel at the moment, and it is amazing to me how much I now understand it, can put it in context, and learn from it.  But I also realise that when I next get round to it, I will have learnt even more.  So keep on...

Never take the privilege of prayer for granted.  The speaker made the point that we have constant access to Jehovah, to the Almighty God himself. We can talk to him - come before him - at any time.  Maybe even the angels do not have such a privilege.  We must never ever take it for granted.

Every day that people do not know Jehovah hurts them.  What can I say?  I spent the first 38 years of my life not knowing Jehovah and only wish I had searched for my Creator much sooner than I did.  The creation was always there to tell me. And I had always wondered about what the New Zealand author Janet Frame called "the sadness that belongs to the world".  To understand what had happened to cause that sadness, I needed to read and understand the Bible.

By the way, I hope my recent blogs haven't been as gloomy as some of my recent emails have apparently been.   There is so much to hope for - there is more joy ahead of us, right here on the earth, than we can now imagine.  I look at those tulips and think that one day, through the undeserved kindness of the ransom sacrifice, I could be every bit as lovely and graceful as they are.

And yes, that will be a miracle.  Of course.

Another "Last"

 Safe in their Alabaster Chambers (124)

By Emily Dickinson

Safe in their Alabaster Chambers -

Untouched by Morning - 

and untouched by noon -

Sleep the meek members of the Resurrection, 

Rafter of Satin and Roof of Stone - 

Grand go the Years, 

In the Crescent above them -

Worlds scoop their Arcs - 

and Firmaments - row -

Diadems - drop -

And Doges surrender -

Soundless as Dots, 

On a Disk of Snow.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45719/safe-in-their-alabaster-chambers-124

As you see, I am having an Emily Dickinson phase at the moment. I came across her poetry in my first year at Uni - many many years ago. And have been a fan ever since.   I can't read this poem without thinking about my parents - and all the others, family and friends - who now sleep the dreamless sleep of death, knowing nothing of the years going by over their heads.

Bea and I talked on the phone on Thursday - and inevitably we mentioned some of those we had lost - so much family, so many friends. Then there is our health. Oh dear!  But we also cheered each other up and made each other laugh, which hopefully helps.  Bea had noted from my last email to her that I was rather down - which was very perceptive, as on the face of it it was an ordinary email.  

Other than that I made the now customary crumble and did the washing.  Plus some of the lights went out, so I had to find the key for the hall cupboard to get into the fusebox.  And I finished my study for the meeting tonight.  To which I went in pixel form as I was shaking with the pain by then - and very cold. I got into my big Broomhill Charity Shop woolly and  Col made me a hot water bottle.

And I did manage to sleep, which helped a lot.  On Friday we had a Zoom session with Julia, an old friend from our years on Planet Expat. She has been retired 10 years now - us even longer. We both agreed that we are loving retirement despite the health problems and are grateful to be here still.

But I think I may have had yet another"last" in that on Saturday Col and I were supposed to go to the annual Biological Recorders Conference, which is something we always enjoy. But I was in such pain that he had to go on his own.  So I guess last year's conference was my last - this side of Armageddon anyway.

And while he was away three of my congregation siblings called in with a bunch of tulips, and cheered me up. I had sent an email that alerted one of them that I was very depressed.  I didn't realise how gloomy I must have been sounding in my recent emails, but was very grateful for the company which was so positive and upbuilding and took my mind off the pain.

Anyway, I did manage to get a few hours sleep last night and, while I started today off creaking along on my zimmer, I can now manage without it.  I feel exhausted, like I have been through a long illness, but the awful pain has gone.  And we had a lovely meeting at the Kingdom Hall this morning - which hopefully comforted all of us - earthwide. I was there only in pixel form of course, but how grateful I am for the Zoom provision.

Sunrise

 

I'll Tell You How the Sun Rose

by Emily Dickinson

I'll tell you how the sun rose, —
A ribbon at a time.
The steeples swam in amethyst,
The news like squirrels ran.

The hill untied their bonnets,
The bobolinks begun.
Then I said softly to myself,
"That must have been the sun!"
……………………………..

But how he set, I know not.
There seemed a purple stile
Which little yellow boys and girls
Were climbing all the while

Till when they reached the other side,
A dominie in gray
Put gently up the evening bars, —
And led the flock away.

https://allpoetry.com/I'll-tell-you-how-the-sun-rose,---

Col sent me this pic he took of one of our recent sunrises.  We have had some lovely skies and some lovely seas.  I was going to say: we have had some lovely skies over lovely seas, but that reminded me of Pen remarking on some estate-agent speak, namely: "This house is built under a slate roof".  She said she wondered about the "under", as until that time she had hoped you could take it for granted that all houses were built under their roofs, rather than above them.

So hopefully we will always be able to take it for granted that the sky is over the sea, not under it.

We are watching an Aussie TV detective series at the moment.  We like to have something to watch together in the evening. But I can only take so much of it as the conventional version of detecting spreads everywhere.  In just about every episode now, a tiny girl detective - who is as obediently thin as Showbiz requires - beats up a large tough man. With no problem at all.  It happens every time...

And there is always a psychiatrist or a profiler... or sometimes both.

However, the actors are lovely, as is the setting, reminding me of our many holidays there in our expat years.  Well, apart from the shootings, and tiny little ladies constantly beating up big tough guys. I am happy to say that we didn't come across any of that.

Us Fantastic Books authors got together on Zoom for our monthly chat.  Some of us are selling quite well - others (me) are not. But I am so grateful to be published that I don't mind.  And it is always encouraging to chat with fellow writers.  It even inspired me to a small poem/verse about our Zoom meetings.

We Zoom/through space/with pixel face/each in our square/from here and there/a living fretwork/as we network.

It could continue with something like this: O Zoom, please ask your boss/why, when in your frame/I look nothing like Kate Moss.

Surely a bit of AI could fix that?

Captain B left very early this morning, with his sandwiches, metal detectors and lots of waterproofs to join the lads in some distant Field. And I hope to get the now routine crumble made, my studying for tonight done, maybe a cake for the freezer - I am down to the last two pieces - and hopefully to finish the witnessing I was given to last me the last 3 months. I will get some new territory next week, so I have a few days to finish.

I feel very old - my knees hurt, my insides hurt, my skin hurts.... but then I AM very old and every day is a bonus now.  And it is still wonderful to be alive, to look out over the English Channel - calm and grey this morning, in a cloudy sunrise.